You are tired, tired of the stress, of the chaos, of trying to hold it together, of trying to control it…again and failing. Tired of not being the person that you can be, (and although you may not believe it), the person that you really are, your authentic self. And you are ashamed at who you become… in your addiction. You find yourself feeling regretful for what you have done, to your family, to others when you are drinking alcohol, when you are abusing drugs, when you are wasting your time, wasting your money, wasting away, really…wasting your life. Of not being there.
You are resentful, and you are angry at others but mostly at yourself.
You feel exhausted by trying to keep it all together, by not letting others in to see the addicted you. You know life is not supposed to be this way. You are sometimes amazed that you have become what you are and that you are in the situation in which you find yourself.
You do not let others know of the fear that you constantly live in. Of running into someone, of picking up the phone, of being found out, of dying. You know that you cannot go on like this, something has to give and when it does, it will not be good.
You feel trapped by your addiction. You cannot see how you can be happy if you cannot drink, if you cannot use, you know that you cannot be happy if you do. Your life seems to be hanging on by a thread and you are falling apart at the seams.
Something in you knows, something hidden away under the layers of addiction, resentment, fear, anger, frustration, lack of control of your life, knows that this can be better, it has to be better than this, but how?
Treatment is about living, living much better, much healthier than you do now. It is about getting your life back, but more than that it is about creating a new life for yourself. It is about becoming the person that you can be and really are, the person that is currently trapped under your addiction. Stopping the drinking alcohol, the drugging, the compulsive and obsessive behaviors, that is the key to the door of your new life. The paradox is that you need to give up trying to control “it”. You need to let go and get help. That is how this works.
Even though you may not believe in anything, even though you may have little if any hope left, even though you feel that you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t…This is a good thing. You have nothing to lose, you are at YOUR bottom, not that of someone else. So if not now, when?
Mark Sadler, Executive Director